8Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

*Philippians 3.8-11, ESV

The press called the man a fallen power figure, after a scandal forced him from a top advisory political position in Washington, DC. The man, looking back on how it happened, said, “I started out being excited about working for the president. Then I became arrogant, then I became grandiose, and then I became self-destructive. I'm prone to being infatuated with power and believing that rules do not apply to me.” An Associated Press article put it this way, describing the actions of this fallen power figure in the months prior to his demise: “He ignored his wife, ignored his friends, ignored the rules.”

*Our Daily Bread. "Listen and Live." January 1998: Friday, 30th.

Right after taking the position of Senior Chaplain at the jail I serve at, I found myself in trouble for breaking a rule. In such an environment, due to the nature of the environment, rules may at times appear illogical, but they always pertain to safety. Breaking the rules can lead to marked consequences, even if one does not intend to do so.

My church had a special meal for a holiday. I prepared a plate for my past supervisor. I took it in, only to find she had already eaten. I kindly, but wrongly, gave it to an inmate working in the cafeteria. Just a meal, no problem, I thought. I had read, but sincerely did not recall the policy of not bringing meals in for any inmate or giving any thing to an inmate. Of course, I had not brought it in for an inmate, but, nevertheless, the end result was the same.

I was shocked to get a short, blunt email, from a lady who had been so nice to me. Essentially, it said, “I was informed you did this, it cannot happen again.” I translated this, I am sure correctly, “One strike – not three, but two and you're out of here.”

Part of my frustration was I truly had no intent to break a rule. Yet, I was glad I was not fired. I went in to speak with my supervisor, informing her that it was my mistake and it would not happen again. It has not.

Unlike the above political figure, this breaking of a rule was due to ignorance, not arrogance. Still, he and I live in the same world – rules apply, and humbleness is accepting the consequences and seeking reparation where needed.

Certainly, as a person and spiritual leader, pride has gotten me in trouble on different occasions. At times, I was not able to see my pridefulness until later – when I suffered the aftermath.

Part of humility is admitting we live within parameters defined by others. I wish I had come to respect that more earlier in life. While I am free, in some sense I am bounded by many limits, wise and not so wise, which I had and have no control over. Sometimes it is more courageous to dare to accept the limits and work wisely within them than to challenge them or defy them.

Freedom arises often in a wise acceptance of the “rules” - or limits – imposed on us, or which we freely choose. I now live with this daily. I have lived in four-bedroom homes for many years. Now, I cannot afford rent and live with some friends. The house is small, but much more my home within the home is one room, where I and my two big dogs live and sleep and work. I cherish this room as my home, and I try humbly to accept it as part of my acesis – or, denial as part of my spiritual Path.

Sometimes I resists it. Yet, over all, I see this small space within a big world as my opportunity humbly to practice the Presence of God and gratitude for what I have. The space is much more spacious when I accept it with humble gratitude, not only for the gift to live here for a time, but for space period to live. Then, it feels like a gift I have longed for many years – a monastic cell, simple, quiet, and unencumbered with the muchness and excess of a materialistic society. Possibly, in an odd way, my prayerful yearning has been answered, and I can humbly accept this limitation. The limitation provides a way beyond my self, to a space within, a freedom of contentmnet, that can be felt inwardly as a grace.

Pride resists the humble gratitude for what one has been given. Pride refuses to receive from the hand of another, for it makes one feel out of control. Pride fails to see the gift of the given, but complains and pouts for a loss of what he or she feels entitled to.

Ultimately, Love is our only healing of this sense of prideful selfishness and rebellion against imposed or creaturely limits and rules. In writing with a friend recently on the dark of the dark night, I wrote the following: “Possibly, the only decision left us, when we feel the darkness, is: 'Will I keep loving, or give up and curl in on myself, in a loathing mud of self-pity and anger - or despair?'”

See, the sense of entitlement leads to so much of our disgust and depression. We do not want a freedom that leaves us chafing with less and constrained by others decisions and mishaps. No, our American, and often Christian, individualism thinks ourselves better than that. And, we think God wants us to have better than that. Again, from the letter: “Again, what is faith? Could it be loss of faith is at times an expression of the more faith? Possibly, I no longer want faith - as I had known it.”

True faith looks at oneself, willing to find a reason to be appreciative for what one has and the limits one lives within, though they be far from the ideal one had hoped for. And, possibly, when we are willing to be so humble, we find we have so much more than we had thought, and are glad we were not burdened with what we thought we deserved.

Certainly, this does not mean there are not times to resist limitations, defy authority, and try to make our lives better. And to be humble does not mean to play weak for others, though in humility we may make a wise decision to accept we might appear weak to others, and see that as okay.

Pride says “My way, period,” while Love says "I can find myself most fully in giving myself most fully." And faith asserts this gift of giving is adequate to sustain me, even when my heart longs for more from others.

We see in this a deep, profound, and challenging meaning to the paradox of Jesus, that he taught to find Life we must die to ourselves. Thus, we have the words of Mother Teresa to pray for openness to ways leading beyond our selves – and this would include our good and religious, and yes spiritual, selves.

At times, everything in us grasps for Life, while the grasping pushes away from us what can only be given us in a radical surrender, even when we do not understand why such surrender is essential and where it will lead us. If surrender offends us, we will push away Life by a subtle pride that denies relaxing into our essential inability to be what we need to be apart from the only way to receive the gift of a Graceful Self-giving, one in which we find we have lost nothing and gained everything, and without any personalized agenda to focus on any need to gain such. Indeed, when you and I have reached the admission of our helplessness to be or become apart from Grace what we long to be and become, then, Life opens to us, silently and subtly, but freely and lovingly. Amen.

1) In what ways have you discovered a more rich spiritual Life through surrender?

2) Do you sense a need for a more thorough admission of your total reliance on Grace? Explain.

3)Reflect on the Scripture and Quote for today, and prayerfully open to discern the application practically for your life.

4)In what sense can we find freedom by living and serving within limitations we face, either through natural causes or imposition of others or circumstance?

*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis, with friends and under a vow of simplicity. Brian is an ecumenical-interspiritual leader, who chooses not to identify with any group, and renounces all titles of sacredness that some would apply to him, but seeks to be open to how Christ manifests in the diversity of Christian denominations and varied religious-spiritual traditions. He affirms that all spiritual paths lead ultimately back to Jesus Christ. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Punta Gorda, FL.

*Brian welcomes responses to his writings or submission of prayer requests at briankwilcox@yahoo.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.

*Contact the above email to book Brian for preaching, Spiritual Direction, retreats, workshops, animal blessing services, house blessings, or other spiritual requests. You can order his book An Ache for Union from major booksellers.